WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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