she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
