I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
