I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
