dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
