I think I just saw someone hide a body.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
