He is an equal opportunity slut.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
