I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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