i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
