No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Randomize
