Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
