Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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