I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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