the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
