you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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