I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
