I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
