My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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