Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
