This is not my ceiling
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
