just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i would one night stand the shit outta him
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
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