We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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