i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
