Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
