can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
