how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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