ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
So many bounce houses so little time
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
