i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
How does one acquire holy water?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
