the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Randomize