i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize