1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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