dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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