im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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