I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
