We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
