Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Randomize