Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Randomize
