Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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