my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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