I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
