I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
