I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
