this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
