I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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