i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Randomize
