Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
