____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
