Heybabeimwearingurpanties
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
