i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
