hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
