I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
tell me about the eggs
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