Is it because I queefed?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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