I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
