i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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