i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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