hotel room ftw
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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