i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize