Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
