3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize