I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Randomize
