Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
