i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
