no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
