so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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