ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
