bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize