Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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