if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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