id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
