just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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