So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
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