Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
