I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You've changed since you got that strap on
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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