How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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