Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I need to stop coming to work sober
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
